I have been thinking to reflect my life into words but have been sitting on fence for quite long..today something kicked my butt and I m down from the fence making an attempt to pen down major events n ppl till today in my life.
Target Audience:
This blog is for people who are bit interested in my life. If you are very focussed n objective person you might not want to waste your time here :) Though it details my life events but each one of you readers life would correlate to something or other. Sorrow, joys, frustrations, unanswered mysteries r every one's life share. I am also writing learning from those events with the intension that it might help some of the readers. If you can correlate to some part or somethng triggers your mind, heart or soul do write in comments.
Life as a kid:
I was born in a village near jabalpur as a second kid to my parents.My dad and mom still argue over exact time of my birth.No electricity..no watches...my mom says she heard sound of the bus that used to bring my dad from city to village every night at 9 pm..my dad counterparts her saying, that night bus had punctured on its way !!! (No wonder why my life is bit bumpy hi hi)From that night till today I have hardly seen them reaching to any conclusion together....part of marriage bliss I guess ha ha.
So here I am born into the this insane world...now what do I do? I was puzzled for months so I kept lying on my bed wondering and gained lot of weight..I would look around like a baby crocodile and everyone thought that I was dumb.They named me "Abodh"[someone who is clueless @ things]. Wish my relatives were more prudent ;)
We shifted to town..I did my primary education and then I cleared exam for Navodaya. Navodaya is a government run free lodging boarding school. So I left my family and went to boarding school from class VI.My mom played a major role in shaping my thoughts as a kid.Whatever I am today is because of her.Love you mom.But do I really have to go to boarding school :( :( By this time my nick name got distorted n became Abbu.
Boarding Cage:
The school hostel was in a cinema hall which was closed. Around 200 students in one big room portioned into three.Non ending chaos...no cleanliness...bare minimum facilities...canteen food often will have boiled worms with rice...initially i wud thro the rice but gradually I got too tired of throwing it so wud take out worms..put it aside and continue chewing rest of my food-Survival lessons :)
Life in boarding was hell but this changed my attitude towards life...problems became part of daily life...and as the saying goes "If you are tangled just tango" so gradually I started enjoying the problems.Sheer competition was a big gift in hostel.
Some of the crazy things I did in school to beat my rivals:
1. I wud wake up at 4 in the morning...crawl like a lizard without making any noise and would go out of the room to study in the street light so that my competitors in the class wud not wake up and I could study more than them...I was nuts :)
2. I would hid inside blanket with a torch and would study when lights are turned off so that no one can see me studying...alas
3. I would go for play with all my frnds and in between I wud skip without anyone noticing me so dat I get extra 30 mins to study.
3. I wud sleep during dinner time and wud ask my frnd to bring dinner for me so that I wud be fresh for studies till late night.
4. I wud smtimes try to tie my hair with a thread to the ceiling so that my hair wud get pulled as soon as I fall a sleep during studies...creativity to the best :)
No wonder I was superdog of my class with highest marks in all the subjects.
Then a turn came to my life in class VIII. One of my teacher-"Bisen Sir" wanted me to participate in debates...I was too shy for it. He gave me three chances and said:if u cant win at least one I wud let someone else take over u...I lost first...lost second..third one was coming...whole night I let my creativity wander in every part of my mind...I knew this is the last time...prove it or get the fuck out...I won that debate and it opened a new stream into my personality. I became new face of the debates...elocutions...best cultural student of the year. This was the point where I discovered the importance of giving words to thoughts.
I wud read books,new papers,wud listen othres talking and in the process I wud collect words phrases which I wud use in next debates.I owe "Bisen sir" my this skill.
I learnt:
1. dat expression of thoughts is a hard earned skill.
2. dat words has tremendous power.If used at right place,at the right time with the right technique they can do wonders for you.
3.dat at times just because someone has deep faith in ur capabilities you tend to go beyond your own thresholds.
Another teacher-"Sharma Sir" has shaped my life a lot. He was not my warden still he always wanted me to be on top in my studies.Some of my frnd used to blame him of being partial towards me.May be his faith in me was same as Dhronacharya's faith in Arjun.He was not just a teacher to me but a life mentor and parent in hostel.He wud come to my room and talk to me for hours enlightening my soul with his thoughts.It was a very distinct,unforgettable relation between a teacher n student.
"Roy sir" also gave me directions at times.He himself is a very good writer so he wud give some good liners to his students for debate while I wud write things of my own and I always beat his students even though their content was better.
What is required to be a great debater?
In debates content matters but the facial expression...pauses during sentences...voice modulation...vigor in ur eyes...convincing power in ur words matters more and it comes naturally when u hv ur own thoughts.
As a kid I was very introvert but very thoughtful.I used to observe things,ppl,situation and then extract something frm them to make my own thoughts.I preferred to be a listener because "only a good listener can be a good speaker".Silently I was absorbing thoughts from the universe so that I wud reflect them to my audiences later.
Summer Vacations:
I wud come home and it wud feel like heaven.We had a very small house with water leaking from roof during rains and I always feared dat one night fat people living upper floor will fall on us:)but I always felt peace in my house and I firmly believe that materialistic things can't bring happiness at home.It's the thoughts of the people living there dat plays magic.We as a family never had any bigger conflicts among us.My father was an angry young man like Amreesh Puri,not ready to accept anyone breaking his rules,but now he has mellowed down a lot and became like Anupam Kher willing to do anything for my happiness...what a transformation ha ha.My father could never make it big financially but he has a very progressive mind.He always believed in finding solutions and improving quality of life.He is from a village but he wanted me to learn English and for this he started learning it of his own too.He and I wud try to converse in British language and I wud try to talk to anyone I cud. It was this period where I fell in love with the language.
Brothers Bonding:
I had an elder brother.He was very emotional,impulsive and driven by his heart. Like any other siblings we had our own fights,fun,jealousy,differences but with time we started understanding each other better.I had started becoming close to him emotionally n we started sharing things with each other.Everything seemed on track but destiny is full of surprises :)My brother was in hurry probably,one fine morning he decided to say good bye to this world and left us wondering why? some questions are never answered in life I guess.Has been 13 years now but quite often I see him in my dreams.Next time whenever I meet him in real I will get my answer and I'll update this blog :) Life moves on n this became a turning point in my life. I left boarding school and returned back home to be with my family and joined central school in my town.
Precious outcomes of Navodaya: I had some wonderful memories and life time frnds: Gulab Tiwari,Mukesh Jyotishi,Vinod Sharma,Devraj Jatav,Vikas,Shyam Sunder to name few.
A major shift in thoughts:
I got into central school which was 15km away from my house very differentfrom my boarding school. I was super dog in my boarding school and all i knew was to study as many hours as I cud.In new school I met two guys:Mayank Agrwal and Abhishant Pant who contribute a lot in my life. Mayank was the topper of the this school but he was so different from me. He wud do fun things,wud do things that guys at adolescence do,wud talk rubbish at times,wud do all naughty things still he managed to be miles ahead of us.I tried to defeat him for one year but cud never go even close to him.He was unconquered king of our class.
I learnt from him:
1. dat life is not just @books.Life has other beautiful things to do.
2. dat to be topper doesn't mean u have to be very obedient.
3. dat u can be genius still u can behave silly wid ur frnds.
He was very humble and grounded even though he was a genius.I started feeling very relaxed once I knew n accepted that I cant defeat him. The pressure of being a super dog went away from my head and I was happy being an underdog as now I cud enjoy life more.
Abhishant-Guy with golden heart.Someone who has a soul which is not affected by outer world.His house was mid way on my way to school. I wud go to my school on my bicycle and it made me lifeless so on our way back I wud hold Abhishant's shoulder so that I wont have to paddle and he wud drag me hanging on my bicycle till his house so that I will have to paddle less.Friend in need is a frnd indeed:).From his house I will paddle back to my house.30km a day for school and then around 10 km for coaching so 40km a day cycling. what a fun it was ha ha.
Mayank got thro IIT with 35th rank and got 2nd rank in state engineering entrance(called PET hence forth).We knew dat he was a genius but never knew dat the guy who used to be so much like us was such a gifted guy.I got 1640 rank in PET and decided to take a year drop to reappear for exam. I was inspired by Mayank's success.Most of the times genius people have shorter life span don't know why. Again this is among some of the unanswered why. I hate you god(if u exist)for such whys.Mayank said good bye to this world suddenly.He breathed his last in IIT Kanpur.He inspired and encouraged our souls in such short life.Life is so fragile...Is there a way we can make it bit robust?On the slip of a moment,someone can be gone forever and we feel helpless.We can do nothing? why life has to be this way? Why why why !!! Universe I need an answer...please...I need it.
Precious outcomes of Central School: Apart from change in thoughts I made some deep frndship with Abhishant, Rahul, Shatrunjay, Aditya, Deepak, Manisha, Rajat.
Life's biggest achievement:
My father's dream was that I must be in top 100 students in PET exam.I had an aim and I was determined.I am not as genius as Mayank but my will power is very unique in its own way. I was studying 16-18 hours a day with one aim:PET exam-top 100.I left every fun of life like a saint in forest trying to achieve some spiritual goal. Result came and I got 23rd rank in PET in whole MP state and joined Regional Engineering College(now called NIT)Nagpur. This turned out to be a big milestone in my life. I cud see pride in my parent's eyes for the first time. Ah ha I did it. Bingo :)
I also added one more frnd in my small list:Dipesh Tiwari.
College- Best days of my life:
College campus was huge and we all were excited to be in college watching pretty faces hi hi.I had learnt to be underdog and it made my life lot easier.I knew dat there is lot if life than just studies. Took part in all debates,personality contests, elocution and was known for my speaking skills.College taught me a lot @ relation and living in hostel was the best thing in my life.Those care free days...college bakar...slang words...abuses...late night gossips...ragging nights...pulling each others legs...pushing each other for this girl or dat girl...last night practical completion...bunking classes at times...proxies...spending more time in canteen than in classes.College made me tough...it turned a shy guy into somewhat extrovert...
It taught me
1. dat allowing body to swing randomly with music is also kind of dance :)
2. dat most important things in life are completed last minutes only.
3. dat u don't have to be very organized in life.
4. dat u don't just need marks to be successful in life u need strong personality traits.
5. dat its good to be loved and lost than be never loved.
6. dat ppl can still enjoy life with no money in their pocket.
7. dat ppl close to u might hurt u at times n u need to learn to forgive them and at times one need to forgive ourself also.
I think everyone shud live in college hostel once. It will change ur outlook towards life completely. U wud learn to appreciate unorganized yet very fulfilling life ways. I came out as a very different man from college. Got thro campus selection in Kanbay,pune.
Precious outcome from College: I had my job...sense of independence...sense of being financially secured one day...sense dat now I can repair my old house n not worry about fat ppl(who by d way grew fatter in years lol)falling on me.Apart from this I made longtime frndship with:Anurag(Hiran), Yogesh,Narendra,Neelesh,Yogesh(chotu),Monjit,Vikas,PNT,Mohit,Meghna to name few.
Job life:
First job...so many dreams...thrill to get self earned money. I started as a slow learner but deep inside I knew that I have what it takes to be in this industry.I paid back most of family debts and with time started showing my capabilities. But I was always fascinated by USA and wanted to be in dat land so job changed and joined a MNC in Delhi. I had some of the best days of my life with some of my frnds there who are bit busy with their own lives now :)
Life in USA:
Struggled for 1.5 years in new company to go to USA.I had my own perception @ US as per whatever I had seen on TV.I thought all cities were lot happening wid ppl partying around...women roaming semi nude like Madonna...ppl boozing all over...free n wild public display of affection all over...tall buildings...a dream fantasy land.
I landed in San Francisco airport and from there went to suburb town-Belmont. It was nothing like what I had imagined.No tall buildings...no crowd...no semi nude bodies...no parties...am I really in US or somewhere else? I just saw cars running 70-80 miles per hours.No bird chirping...no noise. So much quiet...Indians are used to noise all d time quietness was killing me. I hated US for months as I was still struggling to adjust. I kept wondering why is this country world's biggest power.Gradually I became used to lifestyle and decided that I will go to places every weekend.Had bunch of frnds n we started exploring California all over. Travel teaches u more lessons than any other book.I started learning more @ Americans...started understanding why they go sky diving...jump into sea...ride on hills...why they sound so crazy...Americans life is not just driven by struggle to get a job n do things what others expect them to be.They are taught to be independent from childhood n do things they like to do. If someone likes to do wooden work he wud do it unlike in India where most of us r taught to be Engineer Doctor or Managers n be happy with life dat most of the crowd follows.
Day today life is very easy in US. No traffic...no chaos...no unwanted noise....clean air....clean water...no power problem...not much social obligations n best part, rules are made n followed too. They are many steps ahead of Indians when it comes to respecting other person's space and respecting public utilities.Their system is not corrupted in the roots.
My manager was "Ray Potter" n he is among some of the very few ppl I respect professionally. One day he called me n said u work too much...u are in US to enjoy new culture go out n have fun too. Next week I was in Las Vegas with bunch of frnds:)I also realized dat Americans have their own culture unlike many ppl who says they don't have culture.Lot of ppl are very attached to their families n loyal to their relations. Infidelity is part of every culture n exist from the time Adam n eve ate that apple :).In India its hidden in US its all open.
American taught me:
1. dat life has to be lived.Life is not just @ work n money.
2. dat life is @ experiences.
3. dat with little respect for each other we all can have enhanced quality of life.
4. dat there is a part of the world where day today things are done in right way.
5. dat its better to be a good gross cutter than be a bad programmer :)
6. dat you have to follow ur life with ur own rules.
I still remember when I got a glimpse of "Grand Canyon"...all I cud say was nothing. I have never seen anything as beautiful as that glimpse. I made some very close frnds there n have life long memories of US.
Returned back to India n then again flew to New Jersey,US. I was living very close to Manhattan,NewYork n it did not took long before I fell in love with the town. None of the Indian city have the kind of energy...fun...fire...dynamics New Yrok has. New York is what most of us see in TV. Wild,vibrant,dynamic,sky scrappers,crowd pushing u all d time,locals train(subway). Mumbai is bit closer to New York but very low in infrastructure. I had some of the best days of my life in this trip.I got chance to work with Russians n understand them a bit.
Exposure to US has broaden my vision @ life.I have started living for me n not as what society wants me to be. I learnt to be myself.I m very thankful to life dat I got to experience amazing country like US n could enrich my thoughts.No wonder its worlds biggest power. I visited most of the bigger cities:San Francisco,Los Angeles,Las Vegas,New York n I will cherish those memories for years to come.
India and life:
Now I m back in India for past some months. College is a fantasy land but job teaches u real world. I m enjoying my work n loving my life. There will always be unfulfilled desires,dreams,wishes but on a larger scale "life is beautiful" because I am lucky to be born in my family n lucky to be capable enough to meet my responsibilities. I have made my own thoughts. I am a self made person(with blessings from my parents).Human assets are important and one should aim at building five such assets on whom u can trust blindly.
I have made some of the wonderful relations so far. I m very close to my parents, Nidhi(my sister),Ram(Ranu)-Satyam-Shivam(cousins),Fouzia(college sis)Shruti-Abhishant-Shishir-Neerja-Umesh(frnds) Life is moving with its own pace. Life will always be full of up n downs n dats the beauty of life. I struggle...sometime I win sometime I loose but one thing that I never loose is my determination to get up again and hit one more punch...life is beautiful not because of money I have but because of beautiful hearts that r close to me.....
Sayonara,
Abhay Shukla
