This blog is for all those beautiful people who understand relations and have witnessed dynamics of it. Simple humans who like to be predictable and think "one life...one relation...one love..." is the only possibility, this is not for you. Plain living, never heart broken people, go the hell out from my blog and come back when you have loved at least once.If you are below 18, kid better concentrate on ur studies and don't even think about relations. Let us take this voyage together to find "hidden pearls" of relations.
Let Us Accept:
What are the two most complex systems that exists in the universe?Think...think deeper...bit more...ummm...two most complex entities in human periphery are "human brain" and "inter human relationships". Beauty of both have amazed me for years. Millions of thoughts crosses each human mind daily and each mind processes every bit of thoughts so differently so uniquely. Brain, in its own individuality, is eternally complex so when two brains agree to be in a relation, it ought to be multiple of complexities of each brain. Let us accept, relations are tough...dealing with other human is tough. Accept and appreciate because "Everyone is trying not to be lonely" and need to deal with relations. No worries, smile now and keep reading further for the hidden pearls !!!
How This Journey Began:
I was very shy, introvert and never used to talk to girls.Often, my shyness was interpreted as arrogance. As I grew up, I realized unfortunately life is colorless,tasteless,boring without females. If females are to be part of life why not try to understand them...U mean, understand women...Are you crazy??? That's where this journey called "life" became interesting. I dumped my shyness, started exploring minds of msyterious creatures called women. Trust me, these beautiful, twinkling eyed creatures are so weired...so complex...hard to understand and are not easy to deal with. I am sure all male readers will give a grief nod on this and all females will agree but would pretend not to agree.
Why do females disagree when internally they want to agree, is an unsolved mystery which even spider-man keeps wondering :) Don't wonder, smile now and keep reading further for the hidden pearls!!!
Troubled Relations:
Think about 10 married couples around you. Why most of them look so unhappy...dull...out of life? Did they not marry because they were rising in love.What happened then? Why love disappears within some years of relations? There is something wrong with our marriage system.If love exists between two people, won't their each tomorrow will become happier than today? Wont their face glow with love energy? Is their something lot of us lack to understand? Can't a relation be evolving, satisfying, self rising which fills our heart and soul with joy by each passing day? Answers to all such questions are what I call as hidden pearls...Don't be troubled and keep reading further for the hidden pearls!!!
Break Ups:
If you are still reading then you must have been in relation and most probably had a break up. I wonder why two words are called as Break "Up" and "Falling" in love.I had read somewhere "People should be in relation(s). Each relation makes you more mature...more patient...more open to things...liberates your mind, soul from many inhibitions and you start valuing your current relation more." Break ups are painful but most of us have gone through it. To learn to live without the person, who was whole world for us is painful.To let go is not easy. Emotionally, its very painful process. Our mind knows it but heart doesn't register it. Lots of people go in depression...bed ridden...in partial comma. Body stops nurturing...mind stops reacting...heart stops feeling...only breathes come in and go out.Break ups are shocks which shakes our mind our soul and breaks imaginary picture of "happily ever after" and forces us to realize dynamics of being with another human. This is intense negative phase. The love which was fulfilling our life starts drying us out. At times, Break up leaves ever lasting impression on a person's life. Reasons might be any, but it teaches us many things about life. Break Ups are painful yet very beautiful as they evolve you...grow you...change you...change your outlook and most importantly your expectations become "real". Just because you are broken up never say or feel bad about you ex relation. Respect your past..respect your gone love and pray that he or she lives happily. So, if you had a break up...think about beautiful moments you had spent with the person...be grateful to life for those beautiful moments with that wonderful person...thank life for beautiful memories. To let go is not easy but smile now...open your arms...open your heart...let breeze flow in...let rays of sunshine flow in...let your heart fill with the warmth...open your heart for new relation...try to love again. If you are lucky to find love again, value your current relation more....love deeper now...give your best to your current love...this time with more passion...more devotion.Feel lucky that you are not like those simple plain never heart broken people :) Stop smiling now and keep reading further for the hidden pearls!!!
Why Conflicts Arises:
As a kid, I would see two beautiful people getting married with hearts full of love and then after some years I will see two ugly monsters ready to kill each other :) I started thinking, what went wrong. After years of thoughts, I concluded that its because of differences in thoughts, needs, expectations, expressions of male and female.Differences arises because biologically males and females are built differently. Male mind, hormones, body is wired totally different than females.If we understand opposite sex's mind conflicts will reduce. How many of us have ever tried to understand male/female mind?If not, why not? If we want better state of relation efforts are needed.
First hidden pearl: "Understand partner's mind and needs".
Let us bare male-female mind and I will keep adding more to this section based on inputs from the readers, specially for female part :)
Male Mind:
I feel proud to see the beautiful world from a Male's eye and feel honor for all men around.Ladies please read each word with care to make gentle men's life bit easier:)
Inner world of Male's mind and heart follows:
1. Males are visual : What we see is what we believe.No wonder, beauty attracts us because we can see it. So ladies please be careful on how you dress, on how you look. Even if you are in live in relation or married for years, try to look attractive.Beauty is superficial but remember we are visual. All men in the world desire Madonna, Pamela because we are visual. So ladies even though we are fine buying jeweleries for you, at times make us see Madonna, Pamela in you. When a woman keeps herself beautiful, male mind perceive it as her love for him. Keep yourself attractive and don't dare to become fat, dull, non desirable aunties :)
2. Males are not interpreter: Male mind understands words as they are said with direct emotions. Often, we can't read untold words.Words are only words for us. Please ladies, have mercy on us :) and say exactly what you want.If we ask "What is wrong honey?". Females will often answer as "Nothing" and would expect us to interpret it as "Something is wrong".Why? Why can't you say you are not fine.Remember u needed a partner and not an interpreter. Don't get angry later if you don't say clearly. We promise to not understand what you have not said :)
3. Male ego is fragile: This is very important. We males show that we are very strong. But internally, male ego is very very fragile. On certain areas we are very insecure. A man will desire you so much if you can learn to appreciate his capabilities, his power and keep boosting his confidence. Its fine to disagree from him but DON'T attempt to poke his ego. Be careful on what you say. It might sound shallow but remember the way you value your "shallow beauty" please value our "shallow ego" also. With her words, a woman can give extraordinary heights to a man or can destroy his confidence to ashes.
"Women's words have power to transform a normal man to a super-man or a lay-man or even a no-man". Remember this and your man will be all yours.
4. Males are emotional: From ancient age male is shown as protector, hunter, warrior. But males also have emotions, heart. At times, we also want to cry our heart out. At times, please ask us if we are fine emotionally and if we are not fine we will say "No I am not fine". Remember we say what we mean :) On such moments, hug us and take us in your arms with full energy...make us feel loved...give us lot of affection...let your male relax in your arms for a while before he goes back to become a warrior.
5. Males hate instructions: The nature has made us in a way that we don't like taking instructions specially from woman. Ladies you might be intelligent, logical, spiritual but no man on this earth want to be with a woman who is constantly questioning him, instructing him showing him her intelligence.Just tell us what needs to be done and leave up to us on how it should be done. Don't ever tell us how we should drive:) Do we ever tell you, how food should be cooked or how you should put less make up on your face ha ha :)
6. Male desires: Male fidelity is under question across globe from Africa to America, across centuries from the time Adam started loving Eve to Tiger Woods slippage.Ever wondered why this happens? Because male hormones make them think about desires more often than females. Ladies please don't think that we are perverts. This is how we are built. Please allow your man to talk about his desires, his fantasies his crazy ideas. You might not like all of them but make efforts to address his needs. Male desires are as important to him as your emotional needs are. Male get more emotionally attached when he sees his female making effort to meet his desires. If a female ignores this, it opens doors to outside relations.
Males-->Desires generates Emotions...Females-->Emotions generates Desires. Readers please smile and appreciate the difference :) and ladies please be more open and more courageous on this front and your male will be hooked to you like glue :)
7.Males are Jealous, Yes we are: Ladies,when you come back from work don't make us feel insecure,angry by appreciating how efficient your male colleague is. Don't tell us how our neighbor, Mr Sharma is better husband and helps Mrs Sharma in household work and goes to jog daily. The next thought that comes to our mind is to break your colleague and Mr Sharma's bald head :) Don't make us beat poor innocent guys :). By the way,did we ever tell you how beautiful Mrs Sharma is and how much we appreciate cooking skills of our lady colleague ha ha :) Ladies please DON'T compare us with any one rather tell us what you love in us if you want us to keep tolerating your mounting shopping bills which neither your colleague nor Mr Sharma pays :) No comparisons remember women's words have power.
8.Males love their solitude: When stressed about something males want to go back to their cell while females like to talk. Males prefer isolation, they need time to think,time to spend with self, time to find solutions. On such occasions, please don't get angry on us for being inside our cell. Please respect our solitude as much as you respect your talking needs when we are stressed.Better kiss our forehead, give us a hug and let us go inside our cell. Be supportive rather than being argumentative as we promise to come out of our cell very soon. If you support us, we will come out and will give you lot of attention, hugs and love.
Female Mind:
Before I attempt to enter this zone, I want to thank you ladies for making male world so beautiful, so peaceful, so colorful. We appreciate your beauty, your nurturing, your cooking, your shopping, your shoes, color of your hand bag and nail paint too:) You don't look fat and your new dress is so cute :)
Ladies you are better gender than us and we respect you for joining us on this lonely quiet planet and turning this into dynamic, talkative, complex yet beautiful planet :)
1. Females are imaginary: Females brain is more imaginary. They work more on imaginations and less on visuals. They see beyond skin beauty, they see the heart, the mind, the thoughts. They are more influenced by the "qualities" associated with a male rather than his skin only.No wonder, many beautiful women are seen with stupid looking guys :) Guys who can talk better, guys who can give more imaginations to female brain have easy way to a woman's heart. So guys don't be just dumb handsome. Trigger a woman's mind, thoughts, imagination and you will win her heart.
2. Females mysterious conversation: Females are born with skills what I call as "Mysterious conversation Skill". If they say "No" often its "Yes". When they say "nothing is wrong", surely "something is wrong" :) When they say "I hate you" it often means "I love you" :) Reason, female brain is more imaginary. To them, conversation is not just words but emotions wrapped with words. While talking to female, ignore words n try to read emotions wrapped. How? I think the best way during emotional conversations is to look straight into a woman's eyes.She might not express in words, but her beautiful eyes will always say the truth. Guys its tough to interpret, but believe me its worth making effort. If you can understand her "Mysterious conversation Skill" you are THE king of her heart.
3. Females have an eye for details: When two females meet their eyes scan dress color, sandals style, wrist watch brand, one hidden white hair on head, handbag, nails and what not. Not their fault, females are wired to have an eye for detail and they are very good in remembering those details too :) :) So next time when you go to meet your woman have a quick glimpse on mirror to make sure the details are all fine else she will complain ten days later and you will scratch your head wondering why this complain is coming today.
4. Females need respect: This is most important aspect we males need to understand and follow. Females are very sensitive creatures. Lots of males disrespect females in public places, trains, buses,street, crowded areas. I have never understood what satisfaction a male draws by doing such activities.This is a strict No No.A female desires love, respect and care to be able to generate any emotion for a male. If you really desire company of some woman first learn to respect her. Respect her, care for her, let her feel emotions and she will devote herself to you. DON'T attempt to disrespect her dignity. It might be a moment of fun for you but this might pain her soul for years to come.
5. Females don't need solutions,just the talk: When a female is in emotional stress, her way to vent it out is by talking. All she needs is someone who can listen to her. Just be patient and listen to her because that's her emotional need. This is how she is built. She doesn't want your logical male solutions. Allow her to talk and in some time, without any solution she will be as happy as a male feels happy after coming out of his cell. Don't suppress her talks by turning on your logical male mind. She needs your heart and not your mind. Give her support...listen to her...hug her and let her relax in your arms for some moments and she will be in peace.
6. Females are emotion driven: Emotions are what makes a woman so special. If she feels for you she will do anything and everything possible. Males, remember door to eternal devotion from a woman is through her emotions. Let her heart open...let her feel for you...let her take time...let her collect her thoughts. Let droplets of emotions pour in and with time she will make you shower with her love. Please don't push her to anything. Her emotions are as important to her as any other thing is for you.
Females-->Emotions generates Desires. Males-->Desires generates Emotions...
Readers please smile and appreciate the difference :)
7. Small things matters: A female is so beautifully made, so emotionally blessed that big material things don't matter much to her. Small things gives her inner joy, inner peace, inner happiness. A beautiful flower, a handwritten love letter, a stolen love glance, affectionate hug, soft touch of fingers, loving words from her man and little attention to her is precious to her. We male, often even fail to give her such small happiness and her beautiful eyes keep waiting, wondering if her wishes were so tough. Forgive us ladies, we males are stupid we provide you with money, cars, homes, costly gifts and all big materialistic things and forget that a woman's heart can be won by small beautiful things only. We males need to be more appreciative as they say
"In a marriage, a woman leaves appreciation of many men for criticism of one man". Turn off, turn off criticism my male friends and I need to learn this too :(
8. Uncategorized categorizations: There are many female attributes which cant be categorized because female mind is too complex to categorize. Some simple,complex, white, black,cute,ugly female emotions:
a. Female intuitions are very strong and often right. They might not say it but they sense most of hidden emotions. Males be watchful our over smartness can't win over her intuitions.
b. Females are attention seeker by nature. Beauty needs attention and we don't mind it :)
c. Females gets the last word in every argument.Anything a man says after, is the beginning of new argument :)
d. Next to the wound, what woman makes best is the bandage :)
e. Woman inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them.Damn you ladies why are you this way :)
Relationship Basics:
If we understood the differences of two minds,what next. Next is how two minds, hearts n souls should agree to enter into beautiful journey called "Relation".Why being with right person is important? Because once you are in relation with someone you can not share your emotions with others and since you are not with the right partner you stop sharing with him too. Meaning you have no one to share your emotions.
"A wrong relation makes you lonelier than when you were lonely".
There are many married males/females who are lonelier than their lonely single friends.
In my view, below are some more pearls which can make relation a beautiful journey:
1. Synchronization of Thoughts: We all emit thoughts of different frequencies and can receive frequencies of certain range only. "Synchronization of Thoughts" is biggest factor in any relation. If thoughts are expressed in some frequency and understood in the same frequency, magic starts to generate.One of my friend said to me: "It is not necessary that two nice people will always make a fulfilling relation and two bad ppl can not make a thriving relation". True indeed...ppl can be nice but they might not be capable of understanding frequency of other person. If they don't understand, relation start to degrade and nice ppl start making noise as they are not able to understand each other's music.
2. Physical Attraction: This factor is often in our mind but not talked openly. Its very important for two ppl to feel attracted to each other for relation to keep thriving. Within some years of relations, we start taking each other for granted and stop making efforts to remain attractive. With time, two attractive people become two lethargic people and their face start loosing love glow ;) It is very important for people to keep them selves fit and keep trying new things to look attractive to their partner.
When we make effort to look better, its one of the ways of saying to our partner that I am making effort to look better so that I can give better of myself to you. Its kind of devotion for your partner. Its not selfish act, if we change our outlook we will appreciate beauty of this giving act.
3. Life Extraction: This is my favourite and most important. When two people come together for a relation, don't you think they are part of a team...a two member team for life...no boss no subordinate...team of two equal resources...two people who should have common goal...common extract from life. If two minds are in perfect sync with deep desire of extracting same thing from life, I am sure their relation can't become miserable. Let us understand this magical thing with lighter note, one of my friends is very miser and luckily his wife is also miser. To the outer world, they are miser people but guess what, they have common extract from life-"Money" and at the end of the day both of them tells each other how they saved some pennies...feels satisfied...hugs each other with their heart full of love.As a team they have extracted same thing from life. Funny but it does magic to them.
4. To Connect: This is very beautiful. Many people, specially in India, think that they can "generate" love after they marry person of parent's choice.The truth: "One can not generate love for anyone. There are certain kind of people we can appreciate, respect, adore but can't love. We can feel love only if we connect to the person". Love can't be generated just because you spend time with someone. Sometimes, by all logic a person seems fit for relation but even after trying hard love doesn't flow. While at times, a person seems all wrong still we fall for him. Reason, we "Connect" to the person. To connect is so beautiful, its like soul to soul flow,like two birds flying in the sky with their wings touching each others, two musical instruments playing in sync to create magic, two snow mountains staring each other. When we connect strongly to someone, we become part of him...souls starts mingling...love rains start pouring and one day two souls become one and this state is "State of Trans", "State of One Ness", "State of One Unit".
5. Bring better of each other: Be it dealing with relatives, family or working with colleagues "some people take out best of us and some brings worst of us." People have power to induce other people thats why we start smiling when we see smiling face. Our behavior in relations becomes habit. Initially when a boy meets a girl both smiles often...with time they smile less and then smiles become rare events. I read somewhere "Couples who laughs together stays together..." so true and so magical and I think lot of us, including me need to learn this. When tension fills the room a small laughter can change everything. Appreciate each other more and attempt to bring best of each other to bring best of relation. Find any activity which makes you both laugh, talk funny things, read jokes together. It might seem artificial but with time it will become habit and your house will be full of laughters and positivity.
Before selecting partner, two ppl should talk about what they want to extract. If two have common extract, have physical attraction thoughts are in sync and most importantly if you connect..get in relation and extract the best of ur common interest from life..feel lucky and feel satisfied because most of the people don't meet desired partner in their whole life.Hug each other with hearts full of love like these two miser people ;)
Drawing In The Unknown:
The journey so far has been beautiful. I have done my share of mistakes and have tried to learn from each experience. I would often rub out everything to redraw n redraw. I realized that "Attempting to draw, rub out, redraw,rub out and redraw is such a beautiful process". It will open so many unknown and will give you a way to a woman's heart. Picture is not yet complete but at least now I can draw something...dots are connecting. Every couple reaches to some height of inner happiness in a relation. The inner joy, satisfaction they can reach depends on basis of relation, how the relation has evolved and how they have "made efforts" to make it beautiful. I have given my pearls to you readers. I strongly believe that if you get a potential partner state of constant joy, state of eternal happiness, state of soul mingling or a state called as "state of one ness" can be reached where chaos will end...where limitation of bodies will vanish...eternal blue sky with two souls becoming one...
One blog is not sufficient to summarize relations. I specially wanted to write more about beautiful "Trans State" and how couples can reach to this state.Based on feedbacks from readers I will plan to post sequel of this post :) With beautiful believes and beautiful thoughts I go back to my journey and hope we all live a better state of relation with our partner and one day most of us are able to attain most fulfilling, satisfying, nurturing, evolving state of relation which I passionately call as "Trans State" of relation.
Sayonara,
Abhay
